The Rollercoaster continues

yesterday night they decided to put Jansen on antibiotics just as a prophylaxis in case he was developing an infection. Overnight his temperature came down a little bit and he seemed to be doing better. He had been a bit cold too, so I put him in a sleeper and blanket so he's wrapped up now like a proper little baby and seems to like it.
This morning when I got there his oxygen saturation in his blood was quite low and some of his blood gases, which they test periodically, were not where they should be and after trying to increase his oxygen a bit the doctors decided that they should restart the medicine he was on at the beginning to keep open his duct in his heart to allow his blood to mix better. They said it is pretty standard that they have to restart the medicine when there is a gap between birth and the surgery.  The down side is that there is the chance of apneas (stopping breathing) which Jansen did 3 times on the CICU so they are keeping a close eye on that.
This afternoon his temperature came back up and his heart rate was up quite a bit and he had a little bit of pus by a central line in his leg, so as I'm typing this they were going to take out the line in his leg and put lines in both of his hands.  I decided it was better to not be around to see him scream through that process.  He's still on antibiotics so hopefully that will be enough to have him not get that line infected. Once again, I just have to trust that he is in the best care possible.
He was on and off with feeds today but he took some from the breast with most of his feeds, so that is still positive on the whole. He's a very snuggly baby! I'm pretty sure he would be perfectly happy nestled in my arms all day. He loves to be wrapped up and sleeping on his side. It gets harder and harder the more time I get to just sit and hold him to think of sending him off to surgery but in his case there is no alternative so I just need to trust that God will provide the strength needed to get through the next step.